On Friday night, after my sister Maggie’s prom Grand March, my mom and her fiance, Chris, took Robert, my daughter Eloise and I out for dinner. It was the first time we had taken the baby out amongst the general public for an extended period of time.
I was nervous to go out to a restaurant with her. She usually is a really happy, adorable baby… but she defiantly has her moments. These moments that I speak of are the very reason we have gone so long without really taking her anywhere public. I was picturing my screaming kid throwing a fit in front of a ton of judging strangers and ruining dinner for everyone in the restaurant. They would all look at me, unable to calm my child down, and know that I was a new mom, had no idea what I was doing, and that my baby was brat.
She did so well during the Grand March, I figured we could press our luck and go out to eat. She slept for a the first part of dinner. When she woke up she was in great mood. She was flirting with the old guy sitting behind us and laughing and eating her fist and just generally being her adorable self. Everyone kept coming up to me to tell me how cute she was, how chunky she is and how vocal she was. I can listen to people complement me all day long- but hearing awesome complements about my kid is way way better!
We got all the way through drinks, dinner and dessert with no problems what so ever. I was beginning to think I had been depriving myself of grown up adult social time these past four months for nothing! The check came and Chris offered to pay (yay!). My mom was holding Eloise while we were waiting for the change to come back when Chris notice that little Miss Eloise had some poop running down her leg…
At first me and Robert were actually really excited about the poop. She had been very constipated the last two weeks and hadn’t pooped in four days.
I very quickly realized that this was not something to be excited about when it was already DRIPPING in the time it took me to get out of my chair and around the table to get her.
That old guy who just told me fifteen minutes earlier that she truly was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen avoided making eye contact with me. Some kid behind us was seriously yelling for his mommy to look and see how gross my child was. I was pretty sure everyone in the place was staring at us. It was worse then my worst nightmare! Eloise, meanwhile, was as happy as a clam. She kept grabbing herself and smearing poop all over. It only got worse from there.
I wrapped her in her burp rag, grabbed the diaper bag and ran to the bathroom. For such a big restaurant they only had a one man bathroom. I had to wait in line behind two other women, all the while with baby poop flowing from Eloise. When I finally got into the bathroom I discovered they had no baby changing table. Yeah. No baby changing table table. Just perfect.
I tried to set up her changing mat on the floor, which kind of worked. She has recently mastered the art of rolling over, which was something I temporarily forgot. As soon as I set her on the mat she rolled right off. On to a public bathroom floor.
The poop was everywhere by this point.
Her beautiful new dress was ruined.
I resisted the urge to cry.
In the end I stripped her down and gave her a full blow bath in the sink of this restaurant. At first I kind of felt bad, but then I was like, “Should have had a freaking baby changing table! Serves you right!” I threw out her stinky poopy diaper and burp rag right in their garbage can without wrapping them in a plastic baggie (I want to sound bad ass and revenge-y, but actually I ran out).
The whole ordeal in the bathroom took almost fifteen minutes. As I walked out of the bathroom, past the line of angry looking women, I held my head high. The bizarre twist of fate and lack of changing table had made me indignant. Let them scoff at me. I am a mother. With the cutest baby in the world (who, by the way, never once cried).
Today is my first Mother’s Day.
Its not just a greeting card holiday. It takes a lot to be a mom- a lot more then I had ever realized. I sure as heck appreciate my own mother much more now.